The 3rd Year of Med School in Limerick Form

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Mark Bailey

 Mark Bailey
 


Year in Medical School:
MS4

Where you grew up:
Snowflake, Arizona 

College:
Brigham Young University

Favorite Quotation:
"I've made a huge mistake" - George Oscar Bluth, Jr.

 
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Mark Bailey

Pediatrics

I would feel so guilty each day,
Waking up those kids just to say,
I'm just a 3rd year,
And your lungs sound quite clear,
But I've no clue what this means for your stay.

I held the sweet baby aloft,
In a grip careful, gentle, and soft,
While I checked for red reflex,
I soon needed some Kleenex,
For he peed on me right through his swathe.
 (In newborn nursery, the kid peed all over my tie and slacks while I was trying to get him to open his eyes while I was shining the light at them)

 OB/GYN

Often on GYN I would see,
Sweet old ladies who couldn't hold their pee.
With a mobile urethra,
You can't trust your sphincter,
Especially in moments of glee.

Gyn's tricky when you are a male;
The Cycle's the source of each ail.
When I get them alone,
I need a chaperone,
And the pelvic exam is pure hell.

Beware of UT infection,
Pregnancy's a predilection,
When there are bugs in your urine,
That's not reassurin'
Just use cipro, nitro, or Bactrim.

Emergency medicine

In the ED there aren't any perks,
The patients just don't like the circs.,
After waiting 6 hours,
Their attitude sours,
And even the nice ones turn into jerks.

My chest pain's from gas, I believe,
But Gas-X doesn't give me reprieve,
And though I might soon be dead,
From what my EKG said,
The pain stopped so I just want to leave.

Surgery

In surgery style points are won,
By pretending you're having good fun,
When your legs are on fire,
And your only desire,
Is to leave the dread place at a run.

To change a wound vac isn't pleasant,
And the foul smell can be quite incessant,
When the wound's at the butt,
Filled with feces and smut.
One needs an emesis suppressant.

Internal medicine

Medicine is all about rounds,
And pontificating abounds,
About obscure trials,
And treatment styles,
The point of it all still confounds.

I'll never forget my first Foley,
The patient cursed all that is holy.
And the scrapes with the tube,
In spite of the lube,
Likely scarred us both emotionally.

Family medicine

My sugars are all off the chart,
Please give me more meds I can start.
Exercise and diet?
I won't even try it.
Just fix me with shots of aspart.

Family "vacation" might seem like a picnic,
You spend only a half day in the clinic,
But med noncompliance
(Even when not in defiance)
could turn any saint into cynic.

Neuro

The key in neuro is the lesion.
In fact, that is the only reason,
In agony and pain,
You must learn your own brain,
As a first year, then forget in a season. 

Psychiatry

Gosh, doc, that was just a joke,
When I said I supplied Obama his coke,
I've nothing to hide,
No more voices inside,
But I'm still seeing leprechaun folk.

Your speech sounds pressured and fast,
Your gambling and shopping can't last,
Soon you'll be back,
From this manic attack,
Your God-like delusions will have passed.

My back gives me such intense pain,
But why, the MRI can't explain.
Would it be such a sin,
To give some Vicodin,
Though UDS makes my habits quite plain?

"The Vulcans took my sense of humor"
Said the schizophrenic Robitussin consumer.
He was frankly psychotic,
With delusions Quixotic,
He removed his own "pineal gland tumor."
(Through his nose, apparently. We believe it was an especially large booger.)

 

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Last Updated: 11-22-2013
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